Yep, that’s right, folks… another 6 months has flown right on by, and today is my 2 and a half year sober anniversary!
I realize my posts or shall I say journal entries have been pretty far and in between, but I can not let today go by without yelling it from the roof tops if you’d be so kind and humor me!
Today is my 2.5-year SOBER anniversary!
So, SO much has changed and shifted in my life since the day I took that final swig. I still can remember all the forethought I put into it beforehand, fully knowing, acknowledging, and actually embracing all the positive (I had hoped!) changes that would snowball into effect once I finally just STOPPED! It was scary and daunting… imagining my life and future without my old standby buddy as I seldomly never went a day without a cheap bottle or tall boy of beer or a glass of cheap dry red wine… that seemed to just never run out. If it did, we were literally a hop, skip, and jump away from running out to just get more anyway.
The evenings would creep on up, and each and every night, I’d be reaching for something, and every night, the beer or wine would just appear in my hand and down the hatch it would go. One after another. Unknowingly at the time, that really what I was reaching for was for a way to finally get off the wild and out of control downward spiral I was on and in.
At the time, I thought I was doing myself a service… living the high life of sorts, filled with fun, but boy, was I sure WRONG! What I was doing in reality was doing myself the biggest disservice out there! The witty banter (or so I thought… more like a loud and obnoxious take on anything I conversed about…) to loud music played on YouTube, to the inevitable and unavoidable reoccurance to which I would just pass out night after night, during the week or the weekend on the couch… it did not matter what day it was. One thing for certain was the poison had an evil hold over me whether I could see it or not at the time or rather if I’d be up to the hardest part of my life, to face my demons straight on and decide to finally break free from the chains and free myself of the slow torturous cyclical hell I never truly realized I was creating for myself with continuing to drink alcohol.
I don’t often keep track now on the days, weeks, months, or even the now years that I have under my belt that has passed by and I’ve remained alcohol free, but it’s on these milestones I really tend to take notice. For a lot of alcoholics whether they are in their first fragile and delicate early days of sobriety or those old seasoned buggers who have put the hard work in and have many years sober, or any of those who have a few years and keep just trucking along… one day at a time often comes up. Just for today, I choose not to drink… and we all call it a success! As the sun sets and I close my eyes to drift off to sleep, I think to myself, “I did it… made it just one more day.” I smile to myself and take pride in my accomplishment that I only I could create for myself! Then, as morning breaks, I wake to the rising sun and think… “Today is a new day… I won’t drink today. I can do this!” I think you get the idea. But for some, it is a very real and tangible struggle. Day in and day out they resist the urge to find their way back to something so familiar because deep within their soul they’ve realized and have to put in the constant work that life is far more richer, fuller and colorful without that drink in their hand (yes, even in the bad times)… but it still calls to them in moments of goodness and moments of sorrow and all the moments in between always looking for that one moment of weakness to hop back into your life and snatch any feelings of accomplishment and joy you might have regained. They push back and look past the temptation that is just one sip away to getting them once again dragged back in and down the rabbit hole of despair.
Now, 5 months later, since we have relocated to central FL and are living the lives we had worked all those years for, we are here! We have made it, and I know without a doubt we wouldn’t be where we are today if we hadn’t put a stop to all the chaos that swirled around us each and every day. Hell, I don’t know if I’d still be alive and kicking to be brutally honest. With the serious issues I started experiencing, I started to know if I didn’t do something, I may not be around much longer… I was not well. That scared the shit out of me! I didn’t want to go out that way… nor did I want to do that to my family. There was and still is so much more life this gal still has to experience. I have given not only myself the best gift ever but also to my hubby, all 4 of my kids, our families, and our friends… myself! I’ve given myself my own life back… a golden opportunity to do and see those things and to go places because of my decision to not live my life hating myself further.
So here’s to not only another 6 months of living my best life… but a whole lifetime of happy times!
If your days are filled with sadness and despair or if you are just lonely. If you are suffering from any form of addiction, please reach out to a friend or family member. Your loved ones care and want to help! Please reach out to someone and get the help you need and deserve.
There’s so much in life to experience and to be thankful for. It may be a rough patch for you in this moment, but stay strong and know that where there is no mud, there is no lotus (Thich Nhat Hanh).
Thank you all for taking the time to read my blurb here. I do hope it can shine a light and offer some hope, even the littlest of bit.
Take care and see ya all real soon!
*debbiedub13* 